NeedForReed

Anagnorisis

// March 22nd, 2009 // Ramblings

This weekend I was loaned a copy of Albert Camus’s “The Stranger”.  It was a rather quick read and one passage in particular stuck out at me.  It involved the main character being in prison after having commited a murder.  Looking at the cell walls each and everyday he began to become acclimated to it, and he described how anyone can get used to any situation.  He talked about being stuck inside a tree and having to look up at the pretty blossoms, just above his reach, and how he could probably become used to that as well.  I look at my current job situation and similar sentinments pass over me.

I’m 23 years old, college educated, and I work in a coffee shop.  I work at a fucking Starbucks.  I was hired there three years ago with no college degree, yet I am still there.   Did I become complacent somewhere along the line?  Surely this is not the case.  I know it is not the case.  I was trying to make things work at another part time job that ends later this week.  Despite bitching and moaning about it, I am so glad that I have it right now.  It is going to have to be the glue right now to make other dreams possible.

More than anything, I am dealing with what my perception of success is.  There is nothing at all wrong with working in the service industry.  I guess I am just aware that better situations exists within the service industry, as well as outside of it, and this is where the problem arises.  I possess this knowledge!  Therefore I think about it, and dwell on it, and it starts to fester.  I want change so bad.

For the past two months I have been actively seeking out jobs.  Whatever tactics I have employed (ha!) up until this point have proven futile.  Of the 15+ applications, cover letters, you name it I have sent out, I have received one in person interview.  It is rather depressing and truth be told it is wearing me down.  I wish job leads would write back with a simple no so I could push their crap out of my head and move onto the next lead.

I feel as if I have exhausted all possible avenues of employment in Raleigh related to entertainment or media.  I’ve accepted that I’m going to have to move to find a job.  There are a handful of people here that I will miss dearly.

Another problem that I am running into is that I don’t feel like I have a true skill set.  If I do, it is very basic, and not specialized enough.  I think I’m going to need a stroke of dumb luck and maybe someone will take a chance on me.  I know I’m smart, I just haven’t had the cards fall my way as of late.

So badly I want to attribute my failures at securing a job to some larger societal force, but I really do feel it is up to the individual to embody the change they want in their lives.  I need to retool what I’m doing now, and make better use of my time.   There is no such thing as hypothetical priorities.  Look at how you currently spend your time.  Those are your priorities.

I should spend less time getting fucked up, moping around about my first world problems, and dedicate more time towards things I truly to enjoy: music, books, coffee (soon!), and most pertinenent, securing a job that will enable the aformentioned items.

Change is gradual.  Stay positive.